Sunday, August 04, 2013

Blogging, my life, and a sincere farewell

To my faithful readers,

I started blogging about one of my greatest loves, books, on a whim last year in mid-June. I did have some less than desirable ulterior motives, such as expecting books to magically fall into my lap, but those ideas were quickly erased as I became immersed in the gigantic, chaotic, unimaginable community of book lovers. I wanted to become a huge blogger whose name rang through others' blog posts like a legend, one that didn't have to worry about how many pageviews and visitors she got because she knew that there would be a bunch of readers looking forward to each and every word she wrote. I have not achieved neither of those aspirations, and the me right now does not intend to.

Right now, I still have no idea how to get everything together, so I'll just summarize what has been going around blogging and me from the beginning.

In June, last year, I didn't really have an idea where to go with blogging. All I really felt in June and through summer was Wow, there's people reading this! I just did it like it was just a simple hobby, nevertheless one that was a bit nerdy and must be kept a secret at all costs. God forbid if my classmates found out about my weirdness and had me alienated even more than I was. I stuck with mostly memes to fill up my posts, and did a review once in a while. Was it awfully routine? Yes. But I was still extremely excited about being able to do something so amazing for once.
How I felt  when I first began blogging
Then school started in September and my stats and number of posts dropped, which is to be expected as I genuinely did not know how to juggle both school and blogging at the same time. (My respect goes to the girl at IB Book Blogging who not only blogs about books but also takes IB classes, which are pretty damn hard.) Life went on.

Back around December to March, I got really into blogging. I consistently put posts up, read like crazy in order to keep up. My blog stats jumped, and I watched as I got just a little bit closer to my initial dream of being a successful blogger. Perhaps if I somehow stuck with my spartan (to me at least) blogging schedule from that time I may have become a serious book blogger. Unfortunately, that couldn't happen as I kind of burnt out and just couldn't go on with the blogging anymore.

That time, I realized how much blogging was a part of my life. I'd come home from school, worried about the posts I had to write up and then when I finally finish the posts go on and do other stuff, like homework and perhaps a bit of family time. My grades didn't plummet, but they didn't shine the way they used to. All I had to talk about with friends were books which they don't mind but it does get quite tedious after a while. I was a bit confused, after all, I managed to come this far, it definitely can't hold a candle to my education and social life. Because of this, I began to think, a lot, about where this blog should go from now.

As you can see, for the last few months, there have been less and less posts, even with all the promotional stuff I cram onto this site. But after months of pondering, I came to a few conclusions.
  • I didn't love blogging as I did before. I didn't mind not having as many pageviews and visitors as others, but if it's gone to the extent when I'm tired whenever I try to write, I don't love it as I did before.
  • Though I still love books, there are other things more important to me (hanging out with friends, my grades etc.). I want to start reacquainting myself with the things I've been neglecting for the past year.
  • Most importantly, I do not regret choosing this hobby to stick with for the last year. I'm notorious in my family for never being able to stick with what I started, so I'm very proud to have been able to do this for so long. As well, I learned so many things during this time period. I now know just a little bit more about technology, as well as gained experience in professional relationships with authors and the such. I learned to not be afraid to state my opinions, such as when a book that everyone loves didn't really meet my standards. I now know what I find important, and while books will always be somewhere on my mind, I have discovered that there are other things I'd sacrifice my reading for.
Now, a year later, I understand myself and my priorities a bit more. I am older than the thirteen-year-old starting out with her first blog post a year ago. I am a little bit more mature. I am more confident and have the guts to talk with people I don't know. I'm more emotionally stable than the extremely moody girl last year. I've made more mistakes, but I've learned how to forgive myself for them and how to apologize to others for my mistakes. If the me right now walked up to the me a year ago, I wouldn't have recognized myself. I've changed, much more than I would have without blogging.

But I've said it a couple of times in this blog post: there are some things more important to me than blogging. I've taken breaks before from blogging, but I think I should make this my last, final goodbye. There may come a time when I throw a few posts up here for fun, or maybe a few years down the row I might decide to rekindle my love of blogging, but right now I think it's time I part with this blog.

To everyone, from those who've been with me since the very beginning to those who've just stumbled across this post just now, thank you for the journey, and I wish you all the best. May life, and its obstacles never deter you from your final destination.
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I'm honoured that anyone would want to nominate me for an award, but I just don't have time for that anymore. This blog is award and tag free.